Who Satoshi Nakamoto Isn't

Who Satoshi Nakamoto Isn't

A mysterious tweet has the internet speculating as to whom Bitcoin Cobra‘s “well-respected newspaper” will identify as Satoshi Nakamoto, famed inventor of Bitcoin and author of the whitepaper.

First of all, if you’re here looking for a name we want to remind you why he stayed anonymous in the first place: it doesn’t matter who invented Bitcoin! A decentralized network has no leader, no single entity guiding its direction. It is by its very nature collaborative both in the definition and execution of its rules, and by extension, the testing of their limitations. The code is the code – you can go look at it if you want, does it matter who wrote it?

People often miss the key innovation behind blockchain. It’s certainly not a more efficient data structure (and linked lists have been around forever). It’s the application of pairing capitalistic self-interest (“greed” to those off wall street) as the moat digging, wall-building defense of the network. This allows that defensive effort to be decentralized, instead of coordinated by a central body. That’s huge. Starts with money, goes to software application (letting robots spend money on behalf of decentralized programming and code execution), and perhaps will have an effect on how rules are made with how we govern ourselves as a people. To prove this could work, one needs to avoid having a person to blame for the network’s shortcomings and only rely on oneself to improve the network in ones own image. So Satoshi stepped out of the limelight once the project was self-sustaining, presumably to emphasize this point.

That being said, for those who are still interested in speculating, we think it’s easier and certainly more factual to report on who Satoshi isn’t.

1. Craig Wright

A few years ago there was some noise around Craig Wright being Satoshi Nakamoto. If he didn’t publicly sign Satoshi’s wallet address, then he’s not Satoshi Nakamoto. Besides, we’re supposed to believe that the inventor of digital currency didn’t understand the importance of carefully managing one’s private keys? C’mon. Case closed.

2. Scrooge McDuck

Scrooge could have invented a new paradigm just to have something else to hoard

It would be in his nature to invent a whole new paradigm of wealth just to be able to hoard a sizable percentage of it. As we continued to investigate however, we uncovered that Scrooge is in fact, a cartoon character and therefore unlikely to be Satoshi Nakamoto.

3. Sir Patrick Stewart

Sir Patrick Stewart is too busy to be Satoshi Nakamoto

As much as we wanted Satoshi Nakamoto to be Sir Patrick Stewart, we’ve concluded he isn’t. He’s far too busy.

4. Justify (recent winner of the Triple Crown)

Justify is a horse and therefore probably not Satoshi Nakamoto.

While at first glance it seems plausible, we did some testing and think that the difference in time between some of Satoshi Nakamoto’s code commits couldn’t be achieved with horse hooves on a standard keyboard. Justify is also a horse, for which abstract thought is more challenging.

5. Alan Turing

While Turing had the smarts, he did die almost 60 years before the whitepaper was published making him a less plausible candidate.

Alan Turing is one of the few people with a great enough understanding of fundamental computer science to have invented a network as innovative as the Bitcoin blockchain. The reason we believe Alan Turing is not Satoshi Nakamoto is that while Satoshi Nakamoto published the bitcoin whitepaper in 2008, Alan Turing died in 1954. This is too large of a time gap making it unlikely that they are the same person.

Who Satoshi Nakamoto Is

It should be obvious to anyone who understands the early players in Bitcoin. The Netflix special Banking on Bitcoin makes this pretty obvious.

It’s all of them. Except for Gavin Andresen. 

Satoshi Nakamoto was everyone of the early contributors, except for Gavin.

Bitcoin was developed by a consortium of expert cypherphunks. We believe Satoshi Nakamoto is pretty much everyone, known to each other but not to Gavin Andresen, which was the whole point of their inside joke. Gavin still doesn’t know. Therefore, Satoshi is probably some combination Tim May, David Chaum, Hal Finney, Phil Zimmerman, Wei Dai, Nick Szabo, Johnn Gilmore, Adam Back and/or Julian Assange.

We’ll wait for the impending news to vindicate us.

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